This Grudge

14 years

30 minutes

15 seconds

I've held this grudge



11 songs

4 full journals

thoughts of punishment I've expended



not in contact, not a letter

such communication, telepathic

you've been vilified

used as fodder

you deserve a piece of every record



but who's it hurting now?

who's the one that's stuck?

who's it torturing now

with an antique knot in her stomach?



I wanna be big and let go

of this grudge that's grown old

all this time I've not known

how to rest this bygone

I wanna be soft and resolved

cleared slate and released

I wanna forgive for the both of us



like an abandoned house

dusty cupboard, furniture still intact

if i vist it now will i simple relive it?

somehow gratuitous?



but who's still aching now?

who's tired of her own voice?

who's it weighing down with no gift

from time of said healing?



I wanna be big and let go

of this grudge that's grown old

all this time I've not known

how to rest this bygone

I wanna be soft and resolved

cleared slate and released

I wanna forgive for the both of us





maybe as i cut the cord

veils will lift from my eyes

maybe as i lay this to rest

dead weight off my shoulders will rise



here i sit much determined

ever ill-equipped to draw this curtain

how this has enterained, validated

and has served me well

ever the victim



but who's done whining now?

who's ready to put down

this load i've carried longer than i had cared to remember?



I wanna be big and let go

of this grudge that's grown old

for the life of me I've not known

how to rest this bygone

I wanna be soft and resolved

cleared slate and released

I wanna forgive for the both of us.






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